Technology Can Breach the Miles

Grandparenting at a Distance 1974

When my two oldest children were small, my husband’s mother recorded herself reading picture books and mailed periodic packages containing both the books and the cassette tapes.  I would sit with the kids while we played Bea’s tapes, and turn the pages in the books until the youngsters could do that part themselves.  In that way, Grandma Bea’s voice became familiar to them, and she was able to participate in her grandchildren’s bedtimes from a distance.

Fast forward 35 years, and Grandma Bea’s son, my former husband, set up regular FaceTime or Skype meetings with his first grandchild, the daughter of one of those two children.  John (now known as Baba) and little Bean know each other quite well, even though they live over 100 miles apart and for health reasons travel is difficult for him. In the earliest months of their iPad communication, Baba would talk and Bean would just laugh.  Once she was old enough to walk, she would carry the iPad around the house showing Baba her room, her toys, the floor, the walls. At four and a half, she chatters on at length about what she did yesterday and the day before and who she is going to invite to her birthday party next year.  Now Baba is the one who is laughing.

Grandparenting at a Distance 2015. Photo courtesy of http://realhousewifetrinidad.blogspot.com

Technology can certainly help breach the miles.

I asked my readers what ideas they had for grandparents whose grandchildren lived on the other side of the country, or the other side of the world. Here are some of the stories they told me:

Adventures of the White Tiger

My friend Betty Ann has a stuffed white tiger in her living room that she brought from overseas.  When her grandchildren lived in an apartment downstairs, they grew to love the tiger, so when they moved across the country she began writing and illustrating stories about it.  Now, it helps that she is very artistic and creative, and I have no doubt that her stories were magnificent.  But the point is that instead of daily visits with the children she now sees them only a few times a year.   The white tiger stories gave them something in common to talk about during the first year or so after their move.  As they grew older, Betty Ann has kept pace with their interests with frequent phone conversations and emails.

Jillian shared the story of a cousin who drives 2 1/2 hours each way every week to spend two days with his grandchild while her parents work.  He’s been doing this since his granddaughter was a baby, so consequently he has built a close relationship with the child even with many miles between them.  Not everyone has a work schedule or sufficient energy to make such a trek, but for him it is not only possible; he felt it was imperative if he was going to get to know this little person.

Staying in Touch With Teenagers

Jillian spends time with her local grandchildren every week and even volunteers in their elementary school classrooms.  She  knew that keeping a connection going with her teen grandchildren in the UK was going to be much more difficult.  Her advice: send regular texts and emails, and stay up to date with their favorite sports teams. If they play themselves, find out their season schedule and comment on wins and losses.   In addition, commiserate with them when their favorite pro team loses, or celebrate when they win; it helps if you know the players and some of the specifics of the game.  If you don’t normally follow sports, but your grandchildren do, it’s worth it to do your homework.  But don’t worry if you don’t get many responses: today’s youngsters do not follow the old rules of etiquette regarding answering their mail.  If you get one response for three or four texts or emails, she warns, that means they’re reading your comments, so consider that a positive statement.

Snail Mail Works Too

I send postcards whenever I travel away from home, with Bean’s name and address printed in large letters on them.  Now and then I include a short letter with pictures of the family members I’m visiting, or the hotel I’m staying in.  Small children love to get mail, and even older children like receiving large envelopes with books, brochures, photos, posters, etc. inside.  I hope that the children in our family learn to read and write cursive (see my blog post from last week), because developing the habit of writing actual letters back and forth can not only bolster communication and relationship, but will provide them with a tangible symbol that you care about them, a physical letter in your own hand that they can put away in a drawer or a treasure box and take out to read again over and over.  My mother’s letter exchange with her great aunt in Florida began when she was a child in England, and culminated in our family immigrating to Florida when she was nearly 30.  My grandmother in England sent children’s classic books to the U.S. on my birthday and at Christmas every year, and wrote little notes to me about things she did and places she visited.  I only remember meeting her once, but I had a sense of who she was, and I knew that she loved me.

More Ideas for Communicating with Grandchildren

A source for many more ideas about long-distance grandparenting can be found on the  Grandparents.com blog . which is a good source of many other ideas about grandparenting. I encourage you to look at their website, try out some of their ideas, and let me know how they work for you.  Please keep the comments coming . . . grandchildren, just like our own children, grow very fast, and our opportunities to share our wisdom and love with them are few and far between. But the value of making the effort is a lifelong relationship with a member of a generation we would otherwise know very little about.  I think it’s worth it, don’t you?