Doldrums in the Morning
I didn’t want to get out of bed this morning. That’s unusual for me – I usually bounce up, starving, with the beginnings of a coffee headache, open the blinds and the sliding door beside my bed so Kismet can go out, and head for the kitchen.
Today I languished, thinking of all that we are facing. You know the stuff: COVID 19, the mask controversy, the fear; people hurting one another in unending violent protests; well-intentioned Zoom groups grappling with how to use White Privilege to end white privilege; rising unemployment; California burning; and now, the loss of our Supreme Court champion. I have managed to keep my spirits up through all the crazy stuff we’ve been facing until now, but this last, awful news brought me to my knees.
I know I’m not alone. Most of my friends and family have been carrying around a hefty load of sadness for the past week, and others tell me it has been over a month since they’ve slept well or made it through a whole day without crying. I turned to the internet to see if what we are feeling is common.
Dr. Robert Leahy, the author of The Worry Cure and Keeping Your Head After Losing Your Job, says our feelings are not surprising. “We are facing a national trauma,” Dr. Leahy says, “whether it’s the fear of being infected or infecting someone else, or the economic downturn, and many people are isolated,”
People who even before the pandemic struggled with depression and anxiety are at higher risk for these feelings now. Even those of us who have never experienced depression or anxiety before may find ourselves more often alone with our thoughts. Without the usual outlets of social interaction to allow us to talk over our feelings, we mull them over and over and over.
Dr. Leahy offers five strategies for getting ourselves out of this despair loop.
Find the hope
While on the one hand we are being told to consider this time to be the “new normal” for the foreseeable future, there is another way to look at things. He suggests that we take each day as it comes. Sift through the news for hopeful signs. In some parts of the world, new virus cases have dropped. Places of employment are starting to open again. Restaurants, nail salons, gyms, are finding ways to keep everyone safe. Along those lines, I saw recently that my favorite nail parlor was offering pedicures under a shade tent. I may have to visit them soon.
Keep a schedule
Dr. Leahy points out that having unstructured time can lead us over-thinking, especially of negative news. Ruminating, which is what psychologists call it, quite naturally leads to depression. My answer to this is to stay away from commercial news broadcasts, but he also recommends that we keep to a schedule. Just like you did in “normal” times, use a planner to schedule each day. Make lists. Even if your list contains such mundane items as brush your teeth, move the sprinkler, feed the fish, having a schedule provides structure to your day. “At the end of the day, check things off and make a to-do list for the next day, so you can look forward to things,” Leahy says. “Create a set of goals for the week and for the month, then make some longer-term goals.
For a fun read that demonstrates the importance of making lists I turn to “A List,” in Frog and Toad Together, by Arnold Lobel. One of my granddaughters asked for that story just last week, and it reminded me why I keep lists. Toad made a list of mundane things just as I did above, and happily spent the day checking off each item. When he came to the end of his list, it was also the end of his day. His friend Frog was with him. The actual list had blown away, so Toad wrote on the ground with a stick, Go to sleep. Then he crossed out Go to sleep. “There,” said Toad. “Now my day is all crossed out!” “I am glad,” said Frog. Then Frog and Toad went right to sleep.
Be productive with your free time
Instead of thinking of sheltering at home as a jail sentence (I hate the expression “lockdown”), think of it instead as an opportunity to do something new and interesting, or to catch up on things you’ve been meaning to get to for years. One of my friends called to tell me she had just cleaned out her kitchen junk drawer for the first time in ten years. It lifted her spirits and gave her the enthusiasm to start in on her craft closet.
Some people have become creative about cooking, experimenting with sourdough, growing their own bean sprouts, making yogurt. My sister-in-law made crumpets for the first time – I was so impressed with her results that I immediately ordered crumpet rings so I could try her recipe. When I learned that a new grandchild was on the way, I started sewing again. My next-door neighbor redid his front patio so that his grandchildren could play safely out of doors, then he started in on his landscaping and is weeding up a storm.
Go for a walk. Dust off the bicycle you haven’t ridden in years. Organize your thousands of digital images. I’m sure you can think of many ways you can make good use of all this extra time you suddenly have. When life goes back to normal — and it will — this opportunity will be lost.
Connect with others
Many people are “Zoomed out,” so perhaps cut back on the time you spend on the screen, although that is a great way to connect with other people. I joined an antiracism reading group and an online Bible study group, both of which provide intellectual and spiritual stimulation and thoughtful conversation. Some of my friends meet outside a favorite coffee shop once a week. The coffee shop is less than a mile from each of their homes, so each member of the group enjoys a solitary walk with a goal at the end: an hour spent chatting, six feet apart, with people they enjoy. Sometimes they then take a short walk together before splitting up again, refreshed by everyone’s news.
In my neighborhood, I’ve seen more than the usual number of gatherings on the curb outside people’s homes. Four lawn chairs spaced six feet apart, with a table or a portable fire pit in the center, neighbors enjoy a meal or a drink together and soak up one another’s company. Be creative as you connect – meet with other knitters, or walk with someone new. Call an old friend. Dig into your desk for forgotten notepaper and write some letters. We need one another now more than ever.
Reframe your perspective
Dr. Leahy’s final suggestion is that we look at things differently. Instead of believing this is the end of the world (it isn’t – really, it isn’t), start thinking about what you and others can do to bring about needed changes in our society. Many people have joined reading and discussion groups to grapple with the issues illuminated by Black Lives Matter. Concerned about the coming election? Write letters, lots of them, to help get out the vote, or to flip the results in battleground states.
Baking bread is therapeutic, and so is giving – consider taking a dozen fresh-baked loaves to a homeless shelter or food pantry. Volunteer to cook or stock shelves or serve food. Agencies have had time now to work out social distancing, so stick with the organizations that have done so and can ensure the safety of both volunteers and recipients. Knit hats for newborns and deliver them to the nearest birthing center.
Get involved in community concerns. Letter writing can be done at home. Telephone calls to educate people can be made from home. Even if you prefer to stay in your own home, you can try each of the five strategies Dr. Leahy suggests, and before you know it, you will be out of the doldrums and back in the middle of life again.
As for me, I’m going to eat that salad I made two hours ago, before sitting down at the keyboard, and then I’m going to take Kismet for a long walk!
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How are you feeling these days? Are you taking care of yourself? What do you think of Dr. Leahy’s suggestions for banishing depression and anxiety? Please use the comment section below to let us know how things are going for you, and how I might be able to help. Stay well. Marlene
As always your post uplifts. Much needed direction in seemingly “rudderless” times. Perfect timing for your SoCal visitor to arrive! And do I recognize the lovely lady knitting?
Barbara,
Yes, you are one of the very few on this blog who would recognize my mother when she still had brown hair . . .
How true keep busy and your spirits are lifted I often turn on music and dance .
I do that too, Joy! Dancing to Willie Nelson while I’m vacuuming works wonders for my spirits!
I have found the daily to-do list helps me stay centered. I don’t always do everything on it, some days I don’t do anything on it, but I have it to refer to, and I do get more done. I’ve also found audio books help. I’ve been listening to some Georgette Heyer. She helps chase the blues away and keeps my thoughts from spinning.
I don’t know Georgette Heyer . . . I will look her up! Thanks, Cecille.
Doldrums in the Morning is a wonderful post. Thank you, Marlene.
Thank YOU, Joyce for telling me so, and for sharing your thoughts on social media.